November 2010
1 post
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you...
– Mitch Hedberg
October 2010
1 post
1 tag
My hotel is haunted. I saw a sheet on the floor, it must have been a ghost that...
– Mitch Hedberg
September 2010
2 posts
1 tag
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.
– Mitch Hedberg
August 2010
2 posts
1 tag
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is...
– Mitch Hedberg
1 tag
I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said “Sorry, we’re closed.” You...
– Mitch Hedberg (via bastardfromabasket) (via methadoneharpy) (via fuckyeahmyleftnut)
July 2010
14 posts
Have you ever tried sugar….or PCP?
– Mitch Hedberg (via that-neffster)
I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3am, and it said, ‘Sorry, we’re closed.’ You...
– Mitch Hedberg (via lovewriters)
You know,I’m sick of following my dreams, man.I’m just going to ask where...
– Mitch Hedberg (via ohmisskay)
1 tag
I had a job interview with an insurance company, and the lady said, ‘Where do...
– Mitch Hedberg. (via ticktockbang)
1 tag
I would imagine that the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is…...
– Mitch Hedberg
1 tag
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
– Mitch Hedberg
1 tag
Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of...
– Mitch Hedberg
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in...
– Mitch Hedberg (via -beckycraig) (via ohdearolive)
1 tag
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let...
– Mitch Hedberg (via -beckycraig) (via ohdearolive)